The Don'ts of Relationships On Social Media

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Social media has drastically changed our romantic relationships from the way we meet one another to how we express our love. Many have often adopted the belief that if you didn’t post it online, it didn’t happen. Here is a quick guide on what NOT to do on social media, when it comes to love and relationships.

Don’t Fake It - It is not uncommon for individuals that feel particularly self conscious about their relationship to post incessantly about how much they love their partner and how amazing they are. This “fake it til you make it” strategy can be particularly damaging as the focus of the poster becomes projecting a positive image to the public versus making the actual relationship better in reality. Instead of promoting an image of perfection that’s not your current reality, take some time to reflect on whether your current partnership is best and healthiest for you. Worrying less about what others think about your relationship will give you the time and energy to focus on what’s most important: your overall well-being.

Don’t Rely on Joint Accounts - Some couples have chosen to start joint social media accounts in hopes of preventing any inappropriate online exchanges with online friends. Trust is critical for any healthy relationship and while these accounts may work well for some couples, they provide no guarantee of keeping your partner from straying. Instead of using joint accounts, setup up mutual social media boundaries for yourself and your partner. Will you follow your exes? Like or comment on racy pics? Correspond with strangers via DM? Set and agree to any parameters up front to avoid confusion or disappointment further down the road.

Don’t Assume Reciprocity - Love languages certainly come in to play with our social media behaviors. For example, someone that consistently tags their partner in posts expressing their love and/or highlighting their partner’s accomplishments is likely hoping to receive these kinds of public displays of affection in return. It is not uncommon for these actions to go overlooked, as the partner may prefer to express their love in a more private setting. If expressing your love online brings you joy, that’s great! But, it’s important to be clear about your intentions here. Attempting to shame your partner into professing their love online is unrealistic and unfair. In fact, it has less to do with your relationship and more to do with others. Instead of keeping tally of who posted an online declaration of love last, ensure your efforts in real life are even greater. Make sure that you go out of the way to tell your partner how much they mean to you face-to-face. Speaking and demonstrating your love for one another in real time will strengthen the foundation for your relationship for years to come.

Why You're Dimming Your Light (And How To Stop)

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We’ve all heard a phrase similar to the following: Never dim your light for anyone. In theory, this statement is easy to accept and agree with. But what about in practice? What do you do when competition and jealousy begin to rear their head in your relationship? Here are some tips to ensure your date/partner appreciates and encourages you to shine bright.

  • Know Your Worth - Having a healthy sense of self-worth is important for your own wellness and personal satisfaction. With that being said, the way that you regard yourself can have a significant impact on your relationships. If you are unsure of yourself and insecure about your abilities, you may attract a partner that will exploit that. Focusing on confidence building help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, which can help you feel more attractive and help you attract the right mate.

  • Connect With Other Superstars - When the norm among your friends is to conform to predetermined expectations and diminish your greatness, it can be increasingly difficult to break free from that mold. Seek out connections with other women that are successful on the dating scene, while resisting the urge to sacrifice their happiness in the process.

  • Banish Your Fear - Fear of your inability to find a partner that will truly accept you for who you are often fuels temptation to scale down certain aspects of your personality, boundaries and successes. Instead of focusing on quantity, focus on quality instead. The last thing you want are a string of dates or partners that will encourage you to deny all the positive aspects of who you are. Instead of focusing on what you’re afraid of, make decisions based on your hopes, dreams and the potential for positive outcomes instead.

Healthy connections are always better than more connections. While they may be fewer in number, a healthy relationship will allow your light to grow and flourish more beautifully than you could ever imagine.

5 Reasons To Keep Kondo-ing Out of Your Dating Life

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The minute I read Marie Kondo’s “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying-Up”, I was instantly inspired to sort through all of my belongings, ridding myself of all items that no longer brought me joy or peace in any way. I raided my closet, emptied my drawers and cleared out my nightstand that was overflowing with old mail and greeting cards. From there, I set my sights on the kitchen next, de-cluttering my refrigerator and pantry to ensure that each item I held onto served a very specific purpose for either myself or one of my family members.

Well in some cases, you can have too much of a good thing, especially when it comes to managing your relationships. This new KonMari trend has now made an impact on the way some are approaching their relationships. The “Kondo-ing” dating trend takes a different spin on Kondo’s popular cleaning method, as partners drop their mates the moment they no longer spark joy. Here’s why eliminating someone from your life completely because they don’t bring you joy can spell disaster for your connections with others:

  1. You’re missing out on supporting them - If your partner is going through a difficult time at work or in other areas of their personal life, they may not have the emotional energy to “cheer up” or “relax and have a good time.” One of the benefits of having a relationship is for support when life’s circumstances challenge us. Instead of cutting them off completely and assuming you know the root cause, take the time to express your concern for their happiness and well-being.

  2. It sabotages your ability to commit - Any real, meaningful connection will be tested at one point or another. Cutting someone out of your life simply because you’ve had a disagreement robs you of the opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills and create an even deeper connection with your significant other. When conflict arises, discuss your concerns and be open to hearing your partner’s. We can learn so much about ourselves and those around us when we are open to hearing other opinions.

  3. It stunts your personal growth - Sometimes you need to hear the cold, hard truth and it WON’T always “bring you joy”, but it can bring you a new outlook or perspective you hadn’t considered before. While you may think you want a partner that always says “yes” to any and everything you want, the ideal mate will challenge you to be your best self. Stepping into the fullness of who you are can be uncomfortable and an amazing partner will encourage you to do just that.

  4. It breeds resentment - Imagine living with a partner that has expressed that the moment you upset them, they will leave. The threat of abandonment in this case is incredibly cruel, one-sided and unhealthy. In fact, it’s not a relationship at all. Over time, this kind of arrangement will breed resentment and is prime for infidelity, as only one person’s needs are being met.

  5. It’s unrealistic - The reality is, there is no way that your partner will always bring you happiness. While the good times should certainly outweigh the bad, life changes and situations will arise that cause you to question what truly makes you happy to begin with. How can we expect our partners to bring us happiness when we are not always sure what that would entail? Saddling your partner with aiming for a moving target is unfair and a waste of everyone’s time and energy.

The real key to enjoying yourself and building healthy relationships is to bring yourself joy. So, instead of eliminating your partner the moment they do something to upset you, challenge yourself to examine the situation, your feelings about it and express that to your partner. By working through the issue together, you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.