Why You're Dimming Your Light (And How To Stop)

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We’ve all heard a phrase similar to the following: Never dim your light for anyone. In theory, this statement is easy to accept and agree with. But what about in practice? What do you do when competition and jealousy begin to rear their head in your relationship? Here are some tips to ensure your date/partner appreciates and encourages you to shine bright.

  • Know Your Worth - Having a healthy sense of self-worth is important for your own wellness and personal satisfaction. With that being said, the way that you regard yourself can have a significant impact on your relationships. If you are unsure of yourself and insecure about your abilities, you may attract a partner that will exploit that. Focusing on confidence building help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, which can help you feel more attractive and help you attract the right mate.

  • Connect With Other Superstars - When the norm among your friends is to conform to predetermined expectations and diminish your greatness, it can be increasingly difficult to break free from that mold. Seek out connections with other women that are successful on the dating scene, while resisting the urge to sacrifice their happiness in the process.

  • Banish Your Fear - Fear of your inability to find a partner that will truly accept you for who you are often fuels temptation to scale down certain aspects of your personality, boundaries and successes. Instead of focusing on quantity, focus on quality instead. The last thing you want are a string of dates or partners that will encourage you to deny all the positive aspects of who you are. Instead of focusing on what you’re afraid of, make decisions based on your hopes, dreams and the potential for positive outcomes instead.

Healthy connections are always better than more connections. While they may be fewer in number, a healthy relationship will allow your light to grow and flourish more beautifully than you could ever imagine.

Relationship Reset: 5 Tips to Stop Relationship Patterns Dead in Their Tracks

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Feeling as though you are committing the same relationship mistakes again and again can be both overwhelming and frustrating. Check out these tips to get a fresh start.

#1. Are you ready?: Ask yourself if you are willing and ready to endure some discomfort as you charter new territory by approaching your relationships differently. While it may be unsettling at first, the potential for happy and fulfilling relationship possibilities are endless.

#2. Take a closer look: In order to make change, we must examine our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. What are your thoughts about your last relationship? How do those thoughts make you feel? When you experienced those feelings while with your partner, what did you say or do in your relationship? The answers to these questions may lead you to a deeper understanding of how and why you repeat the same relationship patterns time after time.

#3. Remember the family factor: Many of us often try so hard to either replicate or reject the experiences of our parents that we find ourselves getting into trouble as a result. Whether through therapy, prayer or self-reflection, examine what your family taught you about relationships and how these lessons may or may not be serving you well today.

#4. You’re worth it, right?: Examine your own self-image and compare the kinds of relationships you’ve had in the past with the kind of relationship you are seeking. Do you feel in your heart that you deserve to be happy?

#5. Move on: Learn how to move on from past relationships by forgiving your former partner and yourself for past mistakes. Don’t bring your baggage from your last relationship into the next.

Positive Relationship Rituals for Couples

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Relationships are living, breathing organisms that need to be nurtured on a daily basis. Relationship rituals are behaviors that a couple participates in on a regular basis to communicate their thoughts and feelings, verbally or non-verbally. Demonstrating these behaviors is a way of signaling to your partner that you support him or her in a way that no one else can. Long-lasting, healthy relationships are those in which you choose to be with your partner again and again each day and these rituals serve as a reminder of that.

It’s no secret that an “inside joke” can bond people together like nothing else. In times of stress, it is critical that couples maintain their relationship rituals whenever possible to keep them grounded, connected and supported. In 2011, The Communication Quarterly published a research study regarding the necessity of relationship rituals to maintain a satisfying relationship. It concluded that participating in relationship rituals led to the development of a small but very powerful cocoon of two, providing support and the space to share and express intimacy.

My Top 4 Recommended Relationship Rituals

#1. Practice mindfulness together – For a few moments each day, stop what you’re doing, close your eyes and join hands in silence. Doing so will keep you grounded, focused and decrease stress. Prayer and/or meditation can also be incorporated is applicable.

#2. Keep it Sexy – While you may not be able (or want to) have sex everyday, why not talk about it? Compliment your partner’s appearance, give them a pinch here and there or let them know how much you are looking forward to your next encounter. Engaging in sexy talk and touch keeps things fresh and let’s your partner know they’ve still got it.

#3. Perfect your “hello” and “goodbye” – Chances are, if you’ve been together for awhile, you already have a special way that you say “hello” and goodbye”. Whatever you do, keep it up! There’s nothing like wishing your partner well as you embark on your day and greeting them when you see them again.

#4. Allow yourself and your partner alone time – This one may be surprising, but giving yourself and your partner the time and space to do things solo or with friends on a regular basis is an essential relationship ritual for most successful relationships. Giving one another both physical and psychological space allows for a deeper emotional connection and a stronger appreciation for one another.

Is Long-Distance Love Right for You?

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While it may not always be the goal, it can and does happen. So when life’s circumstances land you in the middle of a long-distance relationship, use these tips:

1) Be clear about what your expectations are of one another from the beginning. Don’t wait to establish ground rules once trouble arises. Instead, let your partner know what you expect from them and vice versa.

2) Work together to determine the maximum amount of time you all will spend apart without seeing one another in person. Even if you live thousands of miles away from your partner, it’s important that you sacrifice and make the commitment to meet up with one another at the mutually agreed upon times. Long distance relationships are hard work, but this is a great way to demonstrate your ongoing commitment to your partner.

3) Don’t bother driving yourself crazy regarding who your partner is with or what they are doing every moment of the day. Whether long distance or local, trust is the cornerstone of all successful and long lasting relationships.